Spiritual Thoughts 101

Salut mes amis,

I don't have much to tell you this week because all we did was knock on doors. A lot of people in our mission look for immigrants because they are usually God loving people and get baptized super fast, but Elder Taylor and I have become French hunters! We port all the time now because we want to find a prepared French family.

That's our entire week... so here are a few spiritual insights from Elder Molinari!

As much as I say, and am told, that we shouldn't compare ourselves to perfection, IT'S SUPER HARD! I think I am getting better at not comparing myself to whatever this perfection is, but at the same time I think I am still subconsciously beating myself up. 

During our companionship study the other day, Elder Taylor and I read Ezra Taft Benson's talk, Beware of Pride. As we reflected on the talk, a line stuck out to me,

"Our motives for the sins we do are where the sin is manifest."

We discussed our motives behind missionary work and I expressed my concerns of trying to live up to my, and others, great expectations. I worried that I was focusing too much on pleasing others rather than pleasing the Lord. Throughout the conversation though I realized a few things (credit to Elder Taylor as well) about motives and success.

Being motivated by others isn't an inherently bad motivation, but it shouldn't be your entire focus. Missionaries come out to serve THE LORD, not to serve themselves, or to serve people they have known. Sure, it is a wonderful display of all the work others have put in to see you reach this point, but ultimately the mission comes down to serving the Lord. You teach others the gospel and knock doors for hours, because you love him - That is your motivation.

Yet again I was comparing myself to perfection, trying to be the perfect missionary- but nobody is, or can be, the perfect missionary. Christ is the perfect example and we strive to become like him, but we can't in this life and, honestly, that is hard to admit. We should be striving to become like him, yes, but we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't quite match up.

I think we as humans, naturally look at our failures far more than we recognize our successes. When we fail to see all the small successes in our life (reading your scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, spending time with family, being worthy, saying I love you to someone, etc) then our scope of how well we are doing is skewed and we focus too much on what we should be, rather than what we are. We can always improve, but we need to recognize all of our successes which will eventually equate to our perfection. If we do not reflect and realize how far we have come, then we will always feel less than what we are and think less of what we can become. We will be discouraged because we can never achieve the idea of perfection that we have created.      

Elder Taylor told me that President Babin used to say, we can determine where we are spiritually by answering this question, 

"Am I working to improve myself through the Gospel of Jesus Christ?"

I am.

I am trying to break old habits and change my nature to have a larger desire to preach this gospel and love this work. But it is hard to love something, when you only focus on the negative. I, personally, focus on my failures and shortcomings far too much. I need to appreciate and recognize the successes I have made and the progress that has come with it.  We should ask ourselves this question.

"What is my definition of Success?"

Depending on how we answer this question will in large part determine how happy we will be. Are we content with the small blessings in life: our family, our home, our loved ones, or do we crowd all of that out with what we define success to be? Do we think of our worldly desires more than we think of someone in need, do we check on the sport scores instead of reading our scriptures? If our definition of success is on the Lord and building his kingdom, then I think we are in the right place.

We can not wake up tomorrow and be the perfect person, the perfect member, the perfect father, mother, etc, but we can expect to get better each day and follow the Example of Jesus Christ. We grow and become better people because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Only through him can we eventually become as he is.

I like that classic comparison of the Great Red Woods in California and our faith. They start out as a tiny tiny seed, but after they take root and they are nurtured, they grow into magnificent giants. The same is with our testimonies. We plant the seed and then nurture it with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then little by little we grow and become better each day through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, until finally we achieve our exaltation. The true manifestation of success is where we place our motives.

What is your definition of success? Does it bring you closer to the Savior or does it draw you further away? 
Your Local Missionary
~Elder Molinari

P.s. I made milkshakes this week, put my Colby skills to use!

Tranfer Four

Salut 

Since this is probably what everyone is wondering - I am staying in Caen for another transfer. Elder Taylor and I will stay together, I am staying right here.

I don't have much time and I am not sure what to write - so bear with me.

Basically this entire week Elder Taylor and I went porting, knocking on doors. I was really trying to focus on serving others and spreading the gospel, so the work was much more enjoyable. Elder Taylor and I had a great time, we found absolutely nobody, but we loved it either way. There was one experience I would like to share. 

On Saturday Evening Elder Taylor and I were heading back to our apartment to finish the day and we were just taking random roads around an area we had been porting. Somehow we ended up behind our apartment building. From our apartment we can always see this family playing outside in one of the adjacent apartments and I have always wanted to contact them. We felt prompted to go and knock on the doors of this housing strip. So we went and knocked on the one that we thought was the correct house and nobody answered. The kids were playing in the backyard and we thought the mom was sitting out there with them, but it's France and it is very hard to tell if a woman is, a woman, or if she is a teenager and we were really unsure about her age, so we just knocked on the door. Well nobody answered, so we walked back down the street to our apartment. We got undressed and ready to make dinner, but we both felt very uneasy about not trying harder to get someone to answer the door. So we decided to go try again. We redressed, said a prayer, and went back to the houses. We knocked on a few doors and both times they were answered by men, who said they were not interested in our message. We walked back to our apartment mildly disappointed. But, we came to the conclusion that even though we had been rejected, we still followed the prompting that we had received. We still followed what the Lord wanted us to do and that is what matters. Who knows? Maybe that family will remember the missionaries and accept the message from them later on. Either way it was a powerful lesson, that we should always follow the promptings of the spirit no matter the outcome.

The only lesson we taught this week was to Konstantine. Since we did not know if I was leaving or staying in Caen, he wanted to see me one more time before he also goes on a trip back to Russia. He showed up at the church and was very pleased to see me, he asked if we had anything to share with him and since he had called us just 2 hours earlier, while we were porting, we did not have anything planned for him. So I asked if he had any questions he wanted us to answer and he did have a question about Nephi killing Laban, so we said we would answer that. 
Before we started the lesson, he gave me a shirt with NAVY written on it and said, very proudly, that if you look at NAVY in the mirror it says YVAN, which is a Russian name. I was very appreciative of his gift, that meant a lot to me. 
We started the lesson with a prayer and as soon as we finished, a scripture popped into my head to answer Konstantine's question. As I read him 1 Nephi 3:7, Elder Taylor found a short passage from an old institute manual concerning the question at hand, which was why was Nephi commanded to kill Laban? Konstantine also asked the questions: Why did Lehi go to the Americas, and how did the brass plates help the Nephites if they were still destroyed in the end? The section that Elder Taylor randomly found answered all of those questions. We only used scriptural references with Konstantine and we made the lesson extremely effective by having him read everything in Russian and then reread it in English so that he had the vocabulary to respond. That lesson was insane. We were completely led by the spirit and we answered all of his questions. He was very pleased.

I'll write a better email next week, I'm sure it will be more interesting! Elder Taylor and I are making some drastic changes in our work ethic. I'll expound on that more next week!

Until Then,

Elder Molinari

Elder Molinari's Spiritual Thought

Bonjour Everyone,

This week I would like to try something a little different for my weekly letter. It will basically be a spiritual thought on a few experiences that I had during the week. If you prefer this to my other letters, tell me, I would love to know!

The first experience occurred during my exchange with the Zone Leaders. Elder Taylor and I switched companions for a day and I was with Elder Silva for the day. We taught a man named Eagle Zigzag, baked cookies for ward members, and contacted. What I want to write about is what Elder Silva told me at the end of our transfer. He told me one thing I can improve on and one thing I do well. 

The First was that I teach simply and to keep doing it.
The Second was that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I can't always be comparing myself to perfection because I will never match up. I need to compare myself to what I used to be and how I have improved.

I highly appreciated both comments. I've often wondered if I was ever teaching simply enough that someone with no gospel knowledge can understand; and to have someone tell me that I am was very comforting. We have been taught to teach as the Savior taught, which was simply, and I try to make that my goal when I teach others. I remember the time in my life when the names Nephi, Abinidi, Adam, Eve, etc made no sense to me. I wanted clarification, I wanted to learn about them in the simplest way possible, and If I can provide that simplicity to someone else who does not understand these gospel related terms, then how much more success will the investigator have if they are learning simply and truly becoming converted by the spirit. We as missionaries deliver the message, nothing more, the spirit is the one who testifies of the truths we share. The more simple you keep this wonderful Gospel, the more easily the spirit can testify of these truths. Stay simple with how we teach, so that others can understand. Focus on their needs and let the spirit guide you in what to say. 

The second piece of advice came at a crucial moment for me. I have constantly been feeling the guilt of not being good enough and feeling inadequate for the task that has been placed before me. In many ways I was comparing myself to perfection, without ever stopping to see how far I had come. My first reaction when I thought about this was that I am not allowed to slack off, but that I should be continually trying to improve myself in little ways. If I look back over the past five months, I have grown so much already. My language HAS progressed, my gospel knowledge and ability to teach HAS increased, my willingness to speak with others HAS increased, my love for the work HAS increased. I feel that in our lives we focus too much on what we haven't accomplished, rather than the many successes we have accomplished. I set my goals this week and I plan to work towards them. I created the goals and the plans on how to achieve these goals. 

They are two simple goals,
1. Speak and comprehend french naturally by my 6th transfer.
2. Become a more consecrated missionary

My goals are not impossible to achieve, but they do push me to become better and improve. How do we improve though? We improve through our Savior Jesus Christ and through his Atonement for us. We improve by having a daily accountability with ourselves and with him, looking back over our day and deciding what we could have done better. We repent and ask for the strength we need to improve and become more like him. He was the only perfect being to live on the earth. 
He said to us "What manner of men ought ye to be?... Even as I am."
He is the perfection we all strive for and can one day achieve. It will not happen in this life and that is fine, but as we draw closer to him and remember him in all we do, then will we become more like him. We also improve through our diligence in obeying the commandments of the Lord. If we follow the path he has laid for us, he will shower down blessings upon us.

My last thought came yesterday. It was a fast Sunday, abstaining from food for 24 hours, and I will share with you one of the things I fasted for. I fasted to be able to understand and speak french to a greater ability through my diligence and obedience. A miracle transpired. During church yesterday, I seemed to understand most of what was being said. I didn't get all of it, there was much I struggled with, but I understood so much more than I usually do. It is hard to describe because I understood the French as French. There was no translation going on in my head, I just knew what the words were and how to properly reply. I felt, for once, in my four months here in France, that I got something out of church. How was this possible? 

I think of the scripture Matthew 17:21

"Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting."

Fasting and prayer are powerful when we use them together. Truly this experience was nothing short of a miracle and I am grateful for it. I haven't been the most diligent missionary I could be, but for what I have done, the Lord saw fit to bless me with this increased ability to comprehend. 

This gospel is wonderful. It is simple and beautiful and brings joy into our lives. The Lord asks us to "come unto him" and he will give us rest. He offers us peace, happiness, and so much more. How grateful I am to be a witness and messenger of this gospel. I know that Jesus is the Christ and that he lives. He atoned for all of our sins so that we may return to live with him and his father again and partake in the eternal joy they offer us. As we repent and become better people through Christ, we will become as he is. I love this work, I love this Gospel. 

Elder Molinari