I don't have much to tell you this week because all we did was knock on doors. A lot of people in our mission look for immigrants because they are usually God loving people and get baptized super fast, but Elder Taylor and I have become French hunters! We port all the time now because we want to find a prepared French family.
That's our entire week... so here are a few spiritual insights from Elder Molinari!
As much as I say, and am told, that we shouldn't compare ourselves to perfection, IT'S SUPER HARD! I think I am getting better at not comparing myself to whatever this perfection is, but at the same time I think I am still subconsciously beating myself up.
During our companionship study the other day, Elder Taylor and I read Ezra Taft Benson's talk, Beware of Pride. As we reflected on the talk, a line stuck out to me,
"Our motives for the sins we do are where the sin is manifest."
We discussed our motives behind missionary work and I expressed my concerns of trying to live up to my, and others, great expectations. I worried that I was focusing too much on pleasing others rather than pleasing the Lord. Throughout the conversation though I realized a few things (credit to Elder Taylor as well) about motives and success.
Being motivated by others isn't an inherently bad motivation, but it shouldn't be your entire focus. Missionaries come out to serve THE LORD, not to serve themselves, or to serve people they have known. Sure, it is a wonderful display of all the work others have put in to see you reach this point, but ultimately the mission comes down to serving the Lord. You teach others the gospel and knock doors for hours, because you love him - That is your motivation.
Yet again I was comparing myself to perfection, trying to be the perfect missionary- but nobody is, or can be, the perfect missionary. Christ is the perfect example and we strive to become like him, but we can't in this life and, honestly, that is hard to admit. We should be striving to become like him, yes, but we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't quite match up.
I think we as humans, naturally look at our failures far more than we recognize our successes. When we fail to see all the small successes in our life (reading your scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, spending time with family, being worthy, saying I love you to someone, etc) then our scope of how well we are doing is skewed and we focus too much on what we should be, rather than what we are. We can always improve, but we need to recognize all of our successes which will eventually equate to our perfection. If we do not reflect and realize how far we have come, then we will always feel less than what we are and think less of what we can become. We will be discouraged because we can never achieve the idea of perfection that we have created.
Elder Taylor told me that President Babin used to say, we can determine where we are spiritually by answering this question,
"Am I working to improve myself through the Gospel of Jesus Christ?"
I am.
I am trying to break old habits and change my nature to have a larger desire to preach this gospel and love this work. But it is hard to love something, when you only focus on the negative. I, personally, focus on my failures and shortcomings far too much. I need to appreciate and recognize the successes I have made and the progress that has come with it. We should ask ourselves this question.
"What is my definition of Success?"
Depending on how we answer this question will in large part determine how happy we will be. Are we content with the small blessings in life: our family, our home, our loved ones, or do we crowd all of that out with what we define success to be? Do we think of our worldly desires more than we think of someone in need, do we check on the sport scores instead of reading our scriptures? If our definition of success is on the Lord and building his kingdom, then I think we are in the right place.
We can not wake up tomorrow and be the perfect person, the perfect member, the perfect father, mother, etc, but we can expect to get better each day and follow the Example of Jesus Christ. We grow and become better people because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Only through him can we eventually become as he is.
I like that classic comparison of the Great Red Woods in California and our faith. They start out as a tiny tiny seed, but after they take root and they are nurtured, they grow into magnificent giants. The same is with our testimonies. We plant the seed and then nurture it with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then little by little we grow and become better each day through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, until finally we achieve our exaltation. The true manifestation of success is where we place our motives.
What is your definition of success? Does it bring you closer to the Savior or does it draw you further away?
Your Local Missionary
~Elder Molinari
P.s. I made milkshakes this week, put my Colby skills to use!
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